SILENCE

Silence - (n.) absence of any sound or noise; stillness

We rarely encounter silence. Our days are bombarded by noise, and not with resistance either. In fact, the resistance comes when we do come across silence. For whatever reason, silence scares us, makes us insanely uncomfortable. I know that when I'm at my apartment alone, I have to have the tv on or music playing. The only time it's silent is at night when I'm sleeping, and not always then either. I know many people that sleep with music playing because of the uncomfortableness of silence.

Amidst all the chaos, we find ourselves struggling with our purpose and our direction. We strive to be successful in school, in our careers, in our churches, etc. We put up this front that shows the world that we do have direction, we have it all together, we know what's going on. Without a doubt, right? Ha! Right... If you're like me, you go through the motions on a daily basis and then there are moments that creep up on you that bury you with the weight of uncertainty that you've been denying has really been there all along. Never a good feeling. To me, these are reminders from God. Reminders that I am struggling with trust. That I'm trying to do it on my own, to take control, when really, He needs to be the One guiding and directing my life.

But how do we ever know where to go or what to do, if we never take the time to really listen? This can't be more demonstrated than through Elijah's encounter with God. Elijah was told by the Lord to go up the mountain (Mt. Sanai) and on the mountain Elijah encountered a windstorm, "but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake, there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper." (1 Kings 19:11-13) The Lord was beyond all of the commotion of the occurring events. God's voice was a gentle whisper in the silence, and Elijah's ears were alert, they were ready, they wanted God's voice and understanding so much.

I struggle so much with not listening enough. I think we all do. We all desire this direction from God, but we never give Him the time of day to show us.

In reaction to reading about Elijah, Rachael and I went for a drive in silence one night. We've actually done it a couple of times now. The first time, the silence was overwhelming. It was peaceful and uncomfortable at the same time. It was hard not to talk. It was hard not to have music in the background. Only the sound of the road under the tires. By the end of it, we both talked about how it made us feel. The initial uncomfortableness and then the peace we found in it (a very weird combination, I must say). The second time we did this, it wasn't complete silence. I threw on This Will Destroy You very quietly in the background. I was seeking a specific answer about something from God. So we were silent for a long stretch and I was really trying to let God open my heart to what he was trying to tell me. By the end of it, I was given my answer, my peace. I was satisfied.

Everyone listened to my advice.
They were silent as they waited for me to speak.
And after I spoke, they had nothing to add,
for my counsel satisfied them.
-Job 29:21-22

This realization about silence and how essential it is to our lives reminded me of this Blindside song. It's one of my favorite songs by them. You should definitely check it out; I've included the lyrics here as well. One of my favorite parts is, "I believe in silence our hearts speak the same words." To me, that just shows how God reveals His answers to you. He gives your heart the understanding it longs for.

"SILENCE"
They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up.
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.

It's common knowledge that you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But thinking how come my shoes are so light, how come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer, cause I believe in silence
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

We have to prove that our love is real, over and over again.
But let them think what they want cause I know It'll never end.
Cause I know when it began.
And my heart still pumps twice as fast whenever you walk by.
Cause I still love you.

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer, cause I believe in silence
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

Alert and Oriented Times Zero

If you look up synonyms for the word 'heart' a thesaurus will respond with words like spirit, compassion, sensitivity, and tenderness. What it will also say is center and core. Nothing can better describe the heart than these two words. Our hearts are our center, our core. Who we are.

"My child, pay attention to what I say.
Listen carefully to my words.
Don't lose sight of them.
Let them penetrate deep into your heart
for they bring life to those who find them,
and healing to their whole body.
Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life."
-Proverbs 4:20-23

Other translations say, "...for it is the wellspring of life." The wellspring, the source, the fountainhead, the origin of life. Our hearts are our core. They are vital to our being, to our purpose. The heart is the source of our emotions, and more importantly, our understanding. Our hearts are our eyes, or at least they were designed to be. What the world has done to us, what the Dark Power has done to us is put a veil over the eyes of our hearts. This veil blinds us to the understanding of who we are called to be, the purpose we are called to serve, and the glory of the Lord we could see if we only saw with our hearts.

"I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance."
-Ephesians 1:18

We live in a dark-covered world. A world that is overwhelmed by Satan and those who fight on his behalf. Our hearts have been so burned, so marred, so scarred, and ripped to pieces by this world. Things occur every day that cause us to lose our heart, to lose our center, to mangle our core. To corrupt our "wellspring of life." That's the bad news, and thank God for the good news because without it, we'd be quite frankly screwed.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
-2 Corinthians 4:16-18

These words were written by Paul, a man who experienced more suffering than I can even fathom. And he kept heart. It is quite embarrassing and shameful how we have become so discouraged with our struggles and Paul maintained such incredible endurance during his. Not to mention, these struggles aren't even worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to us in the end. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen." This is how we keep from losing heart. We see with the heart. (as in Eph 1:18) Not with the facts and logic that have come to rule over mankind, but with the heart that God has given us, has designed in us.

God created our hearts with such a perfect, flawless design. Of course, we all know that story of what happened with that. Nevertheless, it was formed with perfection. In the design of our hearts, God put pieces of himself into it. He has given each of us pieces of Himself so we are graciously granted the opportunity to surpass the theories and reasoning of this world to actually find the core, the heart of who we are and in result, understand who He is. Can we ever fully understand Him? Heck no! But it's incredible to know that he crafted His own image in us, in our core to give us this unique understanding.

I have been reading Captivating with my small group and it has opened my eyes to so much that I did not see. It is a book written about the feminine heart and God's special design of it. The desires that we possess as women directly reflect God's desires of people. The desire of relationship, of being pursued, of being cherished. God so deeply wants these things from us. He wants relationship with us. He wants to be pursued by us. And he wants to be cherished by us. These desires are so prominently illustrated in the feminine heart. While the world has twisted these desires, I am no longer ashamed to admit that I, too, have these desires. I have always been an independent person and I have greatly admired women that took initiative to achieve such strong, independent lives. Not that I don't admire them anymore, but I certainly see them in a different light. I now see these women and think of how much they're missing the point. Why are they ignoring the true desires that are instilled deep within their hearts?

Throughout my relationships, I have been the needy girlfriend, and I have been the completely independent girlfriend, neither of which produced a good and healthy relationship. After being the "too needy" girlfriend, my heart was so wrecked that I shot to the opposite end of the spectrum and remained closed off to anyone that I dated, to prevent myself from being overwhelming. This, as it turned out, was equally as frustrating to the person I was dating. I am also pursuing a business degree and I am constantly surrounded by strong, assertive women. It is highly encouraged for women to pursue their own careers, which I am fully supportive of, but at the same time, this typically causes women to forget about and neglect these longings that we have. I am not trying to get into a discussion of women and their purpose in the world or the Ephesians 5:22 scripture, so I will stop there and simply say that I am merely using these as examples of how our hearts have been hurt and shaped by the world.

Our hearts have strayed extremely far from their original design, and thus our lives have strayed extremely far from their original design. Their perfect design. It is so saddening to think about really. For so long, I have been alert and oriented times zero, an expression used to describe a person that has lost all levels of consciousness; they have lost their identity. All this person is aware of is the mere fact that they exist and nothing more. In Waking the Dead, John Eldredge refers to this to describe our own state. We walk around completely unaware of our purpose. Without understanding of who we are. But we have a hope. While this world has been covered with darkness, we were given such an amazing gift in Christ.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
For he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released,
That the blind will see,
That the oppressed will be set free..."
-Luke 4:18

The Lord is everywhere, and we would see that if we only opened the eyes of our heart. We really need to learn to see with our hearts, to understand with our hearts, to receive understanding from the Father. If we could, if we would, we'd come to know His perfect will for our lives. Our hearts are His dwelling place; this is where we find our understanding, our purpose.